I skipped my high school reunion last weekend. I admit that I thought about attending ... for about ten seconds after I opened the invitation, that is. The temptation passed quickly, thank God.
I don't really understand why people go to those things, especially in the case of my graduating class which was a whole 88 students strong. We all came from a town so small that everyone knew everyone else (and most probably still do). A large percentage of us never moved far away after graduation. It would seem unlikely that a reunion would be necessary at all.
The truth is, I chose not to attend because I just don't have many warm fuzzy feelings associated with my high school days.
That's putting it mildly. I hated it there! My memories of it consist mainly of being made fun of. I still hear the laughter that often followed me as I walked the hallways. All I wanted to do was make it from one class to another without falling victim to some sort of verbal assault. As a result, I didn't form many bonds with my fellow classmates.
I can only think of a handful of members of the class of '78 that I'd give two cents to see again. Since it wouldn't take a lot of research to locate those few, I find no reason to travel 500 miles to an organized event which would also include the rest of the class ... the other 80 or so that I can absolutely imagine spending the rest of my life having never laid eyes on again.
The few fleeting seconds during which I allowed myself to entertain the possibility of going to the reunion can only be chalked up to impure motivations. A (very) small part of me wanted to appear at the event dressed to the nines with a recording of "How Do You Like Me Now?" blaring in the background as I entered the room.
No. It wouldn't be worth it. I am a better person than that.
Which is why I chose to stay away. I put the invitation in a file for later reference and didn't think about it again until the morning of the reunion. I mentioned to my husband that my former classmates would all be gathering later that evening, and he sweetly offered to find a way to get me there if I'd changed my mind about going. I thanked him and declined.
Now, back to the reason the invitation went into a file and not the trash can. I've decided it might be fun to look up that select handful of classmates I would care to see again, and attempt to get reacquainted. One of my former friends who was a class officer, left a handwritten note on the bottom corner of my invitation saying, "Hope to see you there!" I believe she was sincere. It would be nice to talk to her again.
As far as the others go, I consider it their loss. I was then, and still am a pleasant, attractive and downright interesting person.
Too bad they'll never know!
1 comment:
Hey girlfriend, can you tell I'm not sleeping right now? *boggle* I was sleepy earlier but something must've happened.. ha...
I am so glad I happened upon your blog here. I relate 500% to your feelings about high school, and the jeering and comments and the feelings that ensued, which hung over our shoulders all the time, in the hallway and the classroom...
I liked myself despite how others treated me.. rather, I didn't always like myself but I was at least comfortable with being 'me'. Perhaps too much so, as that might've been why some couldn't relate because most of your peers during those years are too afraid to be something different from the herd around them.
One friend who I attended school with from first grade actually sent me a message on here, saying how sorry they were for teasing me "mercilessly", and it had haunted the person his entire life. And yes, I got the compliment of "you've turned out to be quite the looker..." he meant it sincerely, nicely, and even my mother was so glad to hear that he had apologized, since she was the only friend I had most of my years growing up. And yes, it was good to hear the compliment from someone who once had only seen "bug eyes" and "bucked teeth." I told him there was no need for apology since I had moved on, but thanked him anyway and accepted the apology because I saw that he truly needed to shake that off of his shoulders. It meant a lot. And yes.. I relate to wanting to go in and see a few mouths drop... and since my family still lives there, there might be a chance I'll make it to a reunion one day.. but in my mind I still see me making an entrance, seeing crowds of people laughing and reconnecting, and feeling myself, though bubbly and fun-loving, shy away and leave after a few big smiles and hellos.
Wonder why we so seek others' approval?
I love moving on.. growing up... and making new friends, and not exactly a new life, but seeing where the one I've always had takes me. And that includes having you in it. :)
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