Mental Pause

My wonderful husband, Walter and I were having dinner a couple weeks ago when our conversation turned to the subject of sleep. I mentioned how relieved I was that I'd been sleeping like a baby since we'd returned from Savannah several days before. This was a much welcomed development, since I hadn't slept through the night for a number of months preceding.

After listening to me for a few seconds, Walt shrugged his shoulders and said quite innocently, "You must be going through menopause."

What?

The atmosphere suddenly became a little less than romantic.

I couldn't help but wonder where in the world Walt had been for the last few months.

In the time that has passed since shortly after last Thanksgiving I have:

1.Been forbidden to have any part in the lives of three of my precious grandchildren.
2.Watched my youngest daughter nearly die of pregnancy related complications.
3.Suffered through my fourteen year old son's emotional breakdown (to the point I had to remove him from school and put him in therapy)
4.Experienced an 80% loss in our electrical contracting business (and subsequent income).
5.Sat by the same daughter's bedside as the surgeon forcefully removed her pre-mature baby at 24 weeks 4 days gestation (that's a 5 month pregnancy if you do the math). Knowing it was the only possible chance for saving both of their lives was little consolation.
6.Helplessly stood by as the pre-mature baby died two weeks thereafter.
7.Grieved accordingly.

Need I go on?

Because those are just some of the reasons my brain had been too full to sleep!

Suffice to say I was a bit taken back by my husband's rather pat answer to the issue.

If I'd truly been "hormonal" I would have sprang across the table and strangled him on the spot. Don't tell ME about hormonal!

Within a New York minute of Walt's comment (and without the aid of strangulation) I believe I'd effectively set him straight on the matter. Never-the-less, the question remains ...why do men always seem to think that every negative emotional reaction we women experience is somehow related to our hormones?

Any one of the aforementioned situations would have merited a few sleepless nights, with or without hormonal interference. And yet Walt saw none of those things as significant in their own right?

Noooooooo .... the source of my insomniatic state had to be narrowed down to that one thing, and that one thing alone.

Hormones.

It's an age old question and I have no reason to believe that I will be the one to come up with an answer.

Maybe he was right. Maybe what I was experiencing was not a "natural" reaction to the truckload of unusually stressful situations that hit me without warning. If only I'd realized that possibility! Had it not been for my hormonal state of being, I probably would have been able to skip obliviously and happily through the entire ordeal!

Perhaps there is no such thing as "stress" aside from hormonal influence after all! Wow! What a revelation!

Of course, it would have to be a MAN who would come up with such a simple answer. We women are way too hormonal to ever think of such a thing.

Ladies, I think you will agree ... sometimes we just have to wonder what men are thinking and why they happen to be thinking it! My best guess is that their minds are over-saturated with testosterone thus rendering them incapable of grasping a true-er and more complex explanation.

I've come to this conclusion. If you can't beat 'em, join 'em!

Just blame it on the hormones!

And So This Is Christmas ...

Someone please tell me that Christmas is NOT less than a week away. I must be dreaming because I could have sworn I had weeks left to prepare.

It's been weird this year.

Walt and I decided to stay home in order to alleviate all the Christmas stress we normally endure. We thought it would be nice to relax and enjoy the holiday without having to throw everything in a suitcase and hit the road as soon as the last package is unwrapped on Christmas morning.

Like they say ... "The best made plans of mice and men ... "

This is partially my fault. I've just not felt like my usual festive self. Until this morning (five days before Christmas) I hadn't addressed a single card. I didn't start shopping until about a week ago ... a real record for someone who normally makes sure she doesn't have to go into a store at all between Thanksgiving and Christmas! I tried to take the edge off the whole "going into the store" deal by doing most of my shopping online.

Unfortunately, it looks like nothing I ordered for Walt will get here before Christmas! So much for that money/time saving idea.

Although, in some ways I think that waiting until the last minute simplified things. For example, when I start my shopping in October I tend to spend more overall. That didn't happen this year and that is a good thing, considering the amount of which our income dropped over the last twelve months.

Christmas isn't about money, right?

Of course that's the case, but Walt and I LOVE to GIVE. I'd be lying if I said that not being able to do so hasn't taken some of the joy out of the season for me. Last year, not only did we totally indulge our families but we "adopted" another family and fulfilled the entire Christmas wish lists of three children. We all had a blast doing that! What a joy to see the faces of the parents when we arrived with the truck load of presents! We arranged it so that the children wouldn't know where the gifts came from ... that made it even better.

A month later, in the mail, we got a scrapbook titled "The Best Christmas, Hands Down" from that family. It was made from "scratch" and had the hand prints of the three children on the front cover. Inside were dozens of pictures taken of their Christmas morning celebration. Beautiful, smiling faces with descriptions of their reactions to the "magic" they had awakened to that day.

The Taylor Electric Christmas party was canceled this year as well. That was another thing we always enjoyed doing. Walt goes all out in making sure that every one of his employees, their wives and children go home with nice gifts. To top it off, we always gave away a flat screen T.V., surround sound systems, and other awesome prizes.

But, as I said .. this year is different.

The economic status of our country has affected small business owners drastically and cutbacks have been necessary.

To make matters worse, we've had to deal with more than the usual amount of "family stress".

I don't do "drama", so this has been a particular challenge for me.

And so this is Christmas. I suppose that, in a few years I won't even remember how difficult this one has been. Life moves on, and things return to some sembelence of "normal", even if it means that "normal" has to be re-defined.

We are already dreaming of next Christmas and hoping to just pack up and leave the country over the holidays. Germany, would be nice ... or perhaps Jamaica. After all, money is no object where dreams are concerned.

Merry Christmas from the Taylors! Enjoy every moment you have with your family. Savor the smiles of your children on Christmas morning. Indulge in an extra piece of pie or just "one more" Christmas cookie (I didn't make any of those this year either).

Hug your parents ... and grandchildren extra tight, if you are so blessed as to have them with you.

Most of all, don't forget to take a moment to thank God for the real "reason for the season".

"For God so loved the world, that He gave His only begotten Son that whosoever believeth in Him should not perish, but have everlasting life." John 3:16

My Happy Place Needs Renovating

When I was a little girl my father always told me, "Be nice to people, Beck. You never know what another person might be going through".

Not that I ever was a mean spirited person, but even now I consciously try to be mindful of others feelings. I suppose I've also been naive enough to think they should be considerate enough to return the favor. After forty eight years of living on this earth, I'm still in the process of wrapping my mind around the possibility that it's probably not the case. The truth is, some people just plain don't care what anyone else is feeling.

I have my own way of handling things when times get rough. For instance, I distract myself as much as possible. I'm not talking about denial, just distraction. I do what I can about any given stress inducing situation, and then I put it on a shelf and move on to whatever else might be necessary to occupy my mind with happier things.

Most of the time I go in search of humor. With rare exception, a good laugh is undoubtedly waiting just around the corner. Rest assured, if it's there I WILL find it! I consider that aspect of my personality a "gift" from God. It's gotten me through a lot of turbulent times in my life ... and it's helped me maintain sanity on days when I felt the intense need to hurt somebody!

Lately, it's been getting more and more difficult to fill my mind with enough happy thoughts to drown out all the stuff that's going on around me. I can't even write about most of it because I don't want to say anything that might possibly do harm to another person. Neither do I desire to expose anyone's "dirty laundry". That's not my job. After all, just like me, almost every one I know is going through something stressful, even emotionally devastating, right now.

There are days, like today for example, when I have a particularly hard time choking back tears and being strong. As my youngest daughter, Emily once said, "Sometimes I wish I could just be a normal person."

Like Emily, today I want to have a good old fashioned melt down ... give a few people a piece of my mind ... kick some ... well you get the picture.

Then, I hear my father say again, "Be nice to people, Beck. You never know what another person might be going through" and end up feeling guilty for considering any other option than "sucking it up" and forging ahead. Inevitably, I will manage to find room on these big broad shoulders of mine to squeeze in just a little bit more resilience .

So now, I will retreat once again to my "happy place", hang out the "do not disturb" sign, and stay there until I feel it is safe to come back out.

And one of these days, I will find the humor, even in the many situations I am currently dealing with. You can count on it!